Little things turned Big

Here it is the last day of November, my little girl is now 7 and my little boy turns 4 on Sunday! Where does the time go? Every day I try really hard to focus on something positive, something wonderful, something that warms my heart. I try to be present with my kids, it doesn't happen all the time and most days it is small, too small in fact, blips of time. As I sit here at the computer, later than I should on a school night, I have a goal to jot down a few of those wonderful, heart warming positive things I have seen while being present recently.

1. My little girl has a big heart! She was excited for her teacher to return to school this week, on Sunday during our prayers before bed, she asked that we pray not only for Ms. Myers to be healthy enough to return to school but also for Ms. Perry the substitute to be okay since she won't be in there class when Ms. Myers returns. My girl is patient and kind to others especially her little brother. After a morning of non-stop playing with her little brother,  I hear her say "Andre, can I take a break from playing for a little bit?" She is hoping to temper his potential outburst of anger and sadness.
2. My sweet girl's toothless grin is beautiful and makes me smile. Waving good-bye as her and daddy drove off to school yesterday morning warmed my heart. Her in the backseat waving and signing I Love You with that sweet toothless smile made me pause as I turned to go back in the house and say Thank you God for sharing her with us!
3. My little man is the sweetest little boy I know! My sweet boy, saves a bite of donut for his Mommy and his Sister when him and Daddy hit Dunkin Donuts on the way to school. He gets a juice for his sister when he gets one for himself, even when she isn't home. He worries what Daddy will eat if we eat dinner without him. He is sad if his sister leaves for school before he wakes and can give her a hug.
4. My little man melts my heart! Here are a few ways:  He says, "Mommy, your pretty" out of the blue and on days that I don't feel so pretty. He still curls up into a ball and snuggles, he gives big hugs as he heads off to start his school day or if I am taking off for a run or a trip to the store. And tonight as I lay with him in his bed while he fell asleep, he leans into me for a kiss on his forehead. He has done that since he was a tiny baby. Moments before, I was getting impatient that he wasn't falling asleep, thinking of my "to do" list. But that gesture, made me stop once again, take in that moment and again I thought, Thank you God for sharing him with us!

Strange how we can dwell on the negative, drown ourselves in sadness so easily when something isn't going the way we planned, become overwhelmed with the "to do list". It is so easy to get caught up in the little things that don't matter - and so easy to miss the little things that do matter. Why is it so hard to slow down and notice the little things that have such BIG impact?

My goal for the 2010 Holiday Season: I am going to try to not get caught up in the little stuff that doesn't matter and focus on those little things that are much bigger, better and far more important. I am not one for New Year Resolutions, so I won't call it that, lets say my Personal Goal for 2011 is to make a full effort to bring a simplified., low stress,  in the moment focus on the little things that matter not the little things that do not matter attitude into 2011. So for now I must get some sleep!

Wish me luck, and pray I accomplish my goal for me, but more importantly for my sweet and wonderful kids and for my husband.

God Bless a boy and his sister

Andre playing super hero last night ran through the living room from the kitchen.. only to scream "ow it hurts" holding his neck and crumbling to the floor. He did not want to move, and anytime I tried to move him he screamed.

He spent the rest of the evening on the floor in the same position, at bedtime he refused to change his shirt or take off his coat. I convinced him to put on his PJ bottoms, and eventually was able to carry him to my bed where he slept in one position all night, at least he slept. He woke only when he coughed which made him cry in pain.

Morning arrived with Andre still unwilling to sit up or walk. Here is how the rest of the day went:

Straightening Grace's hair I burn her forehead, I lost my patience with Grace spending time getting Zoe, her doll ready and not herself! I have to force Andre screaming in pain into his car seat to get Grace to school on time! Which Grace kindly reminds us that she cannot be late anymore! I get to car line... the last car... God Bless Mr. Woosley who let Grace out last in car line. I was crying, she was crying and Andre was crying, we were a sight to see!

I call everyone and their brother that I had meetings or appointments with today to cancel, hoping Andre will get better. No such luck... until we show up at the Pediatrician's office, who he sat up for with a little assistance and by the end of the appointment walked out! What just happened? Whatever it was I am grateful!

We still have time to surprise Grace for lunch, maybe I can redeem myself as a mommy, not the screaming, stressed out mommy that even I hate! Grace was so happy to see us, mostly she was happy to see Andre walking and moving around without screaming.

We survived gymnastics, dinner, and bath time with no events other than some laughs.

At storytime and bedtime, I had to laugh at my little boy that only 24 hours before I was worried sick about, was jumping on his bed, and standing on his head with his feet on the wall the entire time I was reading books to both of them.

As I checked on them shortly after they both had fallen asleep I thought to myself. God love that boy.. as long as he is able he will goof around until he crashes... my boy is back.. Amen and God bless his sister that walked into her school today crying for her little brother and hurt by her grouchy mother.. to walk out smiling with forgiveness and a hug at the end of the day. And God give their mommy more patience and trust in You through the struggles as little as they may be.

Present -- The little things

written 2.15.10--This one took me awhile to actually hit publish, so it may appear out of order:

We have yet another snow day today, which means the kids have been home while we manage work. These days are always a struggle. I find myself feeling guilty working with the kids home, and yet other moments of the day feeling gulity as if I am neglecting work to be do something with the kids, even if it is only to make them a quick lunch. It is such a juggling act, and I think the biggest juggling act is inside my head!



Here is what I juggle around in my head - What do my kids think of me sitting, staring at the computer for hours at a time? Is that how they will remember me? Will they be sitting in a Phsycologist office some day telling him/her how their mother sat in front of the computer ignoring them, saying "she was always working"? Then I might take a break from the computer stare down - to read a book, make lunch and my head is swarming with the concern of being a remote employee but what do my coworkers think if they see me away from IM? The other concern when the kids are home and I am working is the overwhelming amount of housework that follows a day like this!!





Well today I tried to fight the battles in my head and focused 100% on my work accomplishing what needed to get done in addition to some other things on my continually growing to do list. Yet I also took some short breaks to play a game of Chutes and Ladders, it was a very short game as Andre soon became bored and hungry even though he was the one winning. I ended my work day with the required amount of hours put in then sat down for some quiet time with Grace and Andre.


We read some books and had some good old snuggle time. As I write this Andre is sleeping, Grace is resting and I am reflecting.



What I sit here reflecting on is this: Before starting my day I typically do a little blog-stalking. I usually go to the usual favorites then I will sometimes hit "next blog" to see what comes up. When doing this I have found some very interesting blogs. Some have turned into my usual stops. Today I ran into one that impacted me so much and reminded me on what is important.

During my blog stalking today I cried for a woman and her family that I have never met. But their story broke my heart, her attitude encouraged me, her strength amazed me. They lost their little boy, he was only 16 months old. That little boy just like my little boy was beautiful, his older brother like my older daughter was wonderful. The mother was heart broken of course, but so strong and her faith in God was inspiring. I was reminded today to be present: Present with my kids, my husband, and my friends. I was reminded today to continue to grow my Faith. So many days I feel like I stumble in my Faith, trying to be more of the person I want to be, trying to understand what it means to truly trust in God.

I pray for patience, the will to be present, the courage to get up after stumbling and to keep following and trusting.

Daylight through the trees

It was a perfect morning for a run in the woods. I pulled myself out of bed at 5:30 this morning to sneak out for a run before the kids were awake. It was about 70 degrees with little to no humidity - perfect. As I ran along the trail I saw a few deer and the sun was slowly coming up, it eventually peered through the trees shining its light along the trail which made a beautiful picture. I was so happy to be out in the peacefulness. Andre has been struggling since Erich left from his visit at Father's Day, he will not go to sleep without a huge fight. He is continually asking "When we are moving to Kentucky with Daddy"? or "Where is Daddy"? The daylight through the trees in my life is that in about 16 days we will all be together again in one house!

Thawing out

It has been awhile since I last wrote. It seems by the time I get the kids to bed, things straightenedup and put away, tie up loose ends from my work day, it is late, to late to write anything and make sense. Tonight I cannot sleep. I am concerned about my youngest brother, so I sit and type hoping it will help me relieve my worries. I pray he gets through his struggle. I must give it to God.

I updated the kids blog first, which is fun. We are enjoying the warm weather, it may be hot and humid, but I think we are still thawing out from our Michigan winter so it feels good. The days have gone by so fast. This week Grace has had swim lessons every morning, so I get them breakfast, dressed, lubed up and ready to head out the door with Suzanne. I grab one more cup of coffee and head back to work. It is quite the life!

Grace has really been acting out the past few days, as I talked to her last night about it she said "it is just really hard being apart from daddy". I agree it is hard, yet we have a great set up here, and I am so thankful for Pete and Suzanne's support and help. We are counting down the days until Erich comes over to visit this weekend. Andre is going with the flow, as long as he has his cars and his sister to hang out with he is "good". The humidity and heat wipes him out -- - he takes a few laps on the deck with his tricycle then heads in and says he is ready to go to bed.

The writing has helped me. . I am now ready to fall asleep.
Good night!

A Promise

Over the weekend I saw the movie “He is Not that into You”. It was a cute movie that for some reason has me pondering a few things. The first one being, the saying that sometime in our life as a girl we have been told when a boy is mean to us, “He is doing that because he likes you”!
That is not true and is such a ridiculous thing to say, isn’t it? I have vivid memories back to Kindergarten of a boy in my neighborhood he would ride his bike by my house while I was outside, he would sing or taunt “Kindergarten baby” (he was in the 1st grade). Then when I was in junior high that same boy would approach me daily or very close to daily, and tell me I was ugly. Guess what I was told, “Oh, he just likes you!”

Each time this boy would come to me and tell me I was ugly, I would hear those words echo, “he just likes you” then some better reasoning came to me and I would think to myself “No, I am pretty sure this guy has not one inkling of like for me”, and in all honestly, I did not like him either! Furthermore, if he did like me – what a way to show it, right? Why would I want to spend time with some Yahoo that was a jerk to me?

What does that teach us as women? It is okay for a man to treat you horribly, that is his way of showing you he likes you? I say figure out another way pal! What does that teach our boys? It is okay to treat a girl badly; she will think you like her.

Today I make two promises for you to witness and hold me accountable, I will never say to my daughter, when a boy is being mean to her that he is doing it because he likes her. If a boy likes my little girl, he had better treat her with respect and do nice things for her or else take a hike! The second promise is to teach my little boy, to treat girls with respect! No pony tail pulling, no mean words, if you like them show them you like them by doing nice things, respecting them, and being honest, if you do not like them treat them with respect, and let them be themselves.
The challenge we all have, is to teach our girls to be strong, stand up for themselves, and demand the respect they deserve and teach our boys to be respectful, and show their feelings good or bad correctly? As I write this, it brings up an entirely new question; shouldn’t both boys and girls demand the respect they deserve in a positive way?

Before having kids, I vowed I would never say "because I said so" and I admit, I have broken that vow. However, now that I am actually a parent, I believe that one might actually apply sometimes but I feel telling my daughter a boy is mean to her because he likes her is more damaging.

Something to ponder. . . . Who is with me?

This blog has become quite lengthy, and I only covered the one topic on my mind. I will save my next pondering for a follow up blog!

Later

A glimpse

Well, here I go the next blog for posting. I thought I would start with a glimpse of how I came up with the name for my blog. Simple with moments of chaos. I strive for simplicity, I do. I love simple. However, in my simplicity chaos always seems to lurk! Does this happen to everyone, or is it just me?

As our schedule currently exists, I take the kids in the morning to childcare. E is up and out the door before I even have a pulse! I let the kids sleep in as long as they can - I figure they have the rest of their lives to wake to a stupid alarm clock - no need to rush! Plus, this simplifies things - we do not have to run frantically out the door to get somewhere by a certain time. The sitter knows we will get there when we get there and if it is going to be too far off our typical arrival time, I call to let her know. We enjoy a slow morning, me with a delicious cup or two of coffee (that E has so graciously made before he left at some insane hour). We might snuggle on the couch and read books, play with cars, or color a picture.

After we have had some hanging out time and we are all awake, everybody gets dressed, brushes their teeth and hair and we head out the door! Simple right? Well, not this week! I have a 2 year old. . . Oh my do I have a two year old!!! You know what I am talking about, "I want to do it", "No I want to walk" - - everything is fine, things are going good we head out the door. . . . NO!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO!!! My favorite this week. . . . everyone heads out to the garage (it is not attached to our house so we walk out of the house up the driveway to the garage), I am grabbing the bags, drinks snacks etc inside before heading out the door. I walk out the side door, turn the corner and there stands my boy in a mud puddle above his ankles - the blue "Chuck Taylor" high tops that he HAD to wear, covered in mud in addition to his jeans! His big sister, just watching him! I start to get mad, then it quickly turns to laughter. How do I get mad at this sweet boy, saying "look mommy, I am splashing in a puddle" even though he is slowly sinking in a puddle of mud, I swoop him out of the puddle, explaining that you should have boots on to splash in puddles. He says so sweet and innocent, "oh". I run back into the house for a change of pants, socks and shoes. That slow and simple morning has now turned to chaos! I have to drive 25 minutes to the sitter and 25 minutes back home to even begin work!!! I have an early meeting . . I don't think I will make it without calling in from the car!

My next brilliant idea this week centered around Valentines. In search of Valentines for the kids to give to there friends - I found Princess for my little princess and Cars for the boy - they included tattoos, 32 of them, there are only 8-12 kids at the sitters! So,I thought well the extra tattoos can be used for potty training AJ or as a special treat for GK. Good plan right, after all what am I going to do with 32 Valentines and tattoos, I could possibly save them until next year. Well the excitement took over as they started to prepare the Valentines for friends. I ran downstairs to check on something - when I returned they had their very own Tattoo parlor going! Each of them had a tattoo on their cheek, 2 or more on their legs and arms a couple on their feet! Once again, how do I get mad "look mom Tow Mater and McQueen", or "Mommy isn't this rose on my check beautiful?", "I know how to do tattoos". Tattoo wrappings are scattered everywhere, water is covering the floor in the bathroom in addition to the trail down the hallway, (traveling tattoo parlor?) a couple washcloths are piled next to the sink soaking wet- what was left for their Valentines but a few half soggy or ripped tattoos! So, that tattoo reward idea for going in the big boy potty, gone!


At first I was upset, then I saw GK go from excited that she had helped Tattoo her brother to sad that she had disappointed me. That broke my heart, so I hugged her and said, you did a good job with the tattoos, next time can we agree to ask mommy first? She said yes then pointed out that she my have needed a little help since a few tattoos were already falling off.


And in reality, does it matter? Is it that big of a deal? No! did they have fun? Yes! Is that what matters? Yes! Did it simplify my life? No, it complicated it with more laundry, and more clean up. Was it chaotic? A little bit. Did it enrich my life - most definitely! I cannot imagine a day seeing those two smiles, as being a failure. I just have to remind myself of that daily and sometimes hourly! :-)

Some moments will be simple - others will be chaotic. They are certain to balance each other out. Right?