Little things turned Big

Here it is the last day of November, my little girl is now 7 and my little boy turns 4 on Sunday! Where does the time go? Every day I try really hard to focus on something positive, something wonderful, something that warms my heart. I try to be present with my kids, it doesn't happen all the time and most days it is small, too small in fact, blips of time. As I sit here at the computer, later than I should on a school night, I have a goal to jot down a few of those wonderful, heart warming positive things I have seen while being present recently.

1. My little girl has a big heart! She was excited for her teacher to return to school this week, on Sunday during our prayers before bed, she asked that we pray not only for Ms. Myers to be healthy enough to return to school but also for Ms. Perry the substitute to be okay since she won't be in there class when Ms. Myers returns. My girl is patient and kind to others especially her little brother. After a morning of non-stop playing with her little brother,  I hear her say "Andre, can I take a break from playing for a little bit?" She is hoping to temper his potential outburst of anger and sadness.
2. My sweet girl's toothless grin is beautiful and makes me smile. Waving good-bye as her and daddy drove off to school yesterday morning warmed my heart. Her in the backseat waving and signing I Love You with that sweet toothless smile made me pause as I turned to go back in the house and say Thank you God for sharing her with us!
3. My little man is the sweetest little boy I know! My sweet boy, saves a bite of donut for his Mommy and his Sister when him and Daddy hit Dunkin Donuts on the way to school. He gets a juice for his sister when he gets one for himself, even when she isn't home. He worries what Daddy will eat if we eat dinner without him. He is sad if his sister leaves for school before he wakes and can give her a hug.
4. My little man melts my heart! Here are a few ways:  He says, "Mommy, your pretty" out of the blue and on days that I don't feel so pretty. He still curls up into a ball and snuggles, he gives big hugs as he heads off to start his school day or if I am taking off for a run or a trip to the store. And tonight as I lay with him in his bed while he fell asleep, he leans into me for a kiss on his forehead. He has done that since he was a tiny baby. Moments before, I was getting impatient that he wasn't falling asleep, thinking of my "to do" list. But that gesture, made me stop once again, take in that moment and again I thought, Thank you God for sharing him with us!

Strange how we can dwell on the negative, drown ourselves in sadness so easily when something isn't going the way we planned, become overwhelmed with the "to do list". It is so easy to get caught up in the little things that don't matter - and so easy to miss the little things that do matter. Why is it so hard to slow down and notice the little things that have such BIG impact?

My goal for the 2010 Holiday Season: I am going to try to not get caught up in the little stuff that doesn't matter and focus on those little things that are much bigger, better and far more important. I am not one for New Year Resolutions, so I won't call it that, lets say my Personal Goal for 2011 is to make a full effort to bring a simplified., low stress,  in the moment focus on the little things that matter not the little things that do not matter attitude into 2011. So for now I must get some sleep!

Wish me luck, and pray I accomplish my goal for me, but more importantly for my sweet and wonderful kids and for my husband.

God Bless a boy and his sister

Andre playing super hero last night ran through the living room from the kitchen.. only to scream "ow it hurts" holding his neck and crumbling to the floor. He did not want to move, and anytime I tried to move him he screamed.

He spent the rest of the evening on the floor in the same position, at bedtime he refused to change his shirt or take off his coat. I convinced him to put on his PJ bottoms, and eventually was able to carry him to my bed where he slept in one position all night, at least he slept. He woke only when he coughed which made him cry in pain.

Morning arrived with Andre still unwilling to sit up or walk. Here is how the rest of the day went:

Straightening Grace's hair I burn her forehead, I lost my patience with Grace spending time getting Zoe, her doll ready and not herself! I have to force Andre screaming in pain into his car seat to get Grace to school on time! Which Grace kindly reminds us that she cannot be late anymore! I get to car line... the last car... God Bless Mr. Woosley who let Grace out last in car line. I was crying, she was crying and Andre was crying, we were a sight to see!

I call everyone and their brother that I had meetings or appointments with today to cancel, hoping Andre will get better. No such luck... until we show up at the Pediatrician's office, who he sat up for with a little assistance and by the end of the appointment walked out! What just happened? Whatever it was I am grateful!

We still have time to surprise Grace for lunch, maybe I can redeem myself as a mommy, not the screaming, stressed out mommy that even I hate! Grace was so happy to see us, mostly she was happy to see Andre walking and moving around without screaming.

We survived gymnastics, dinner, and bath time with no events other than some laughs.

At storytime and bedtime, I had to laugh at my little boy that only 24 hours before I was worried sick about, was jumping on his bed, and standing on his head with his feet on the wall the entire time I was reading books to both of them.

As I checked on them shortly after they both had fallen asleep I thought to myself. God love that boy.. as long as he is able he will goof around until he crashes... my boy is back.. Amen and God bless his sister that walked into her school today crying for her little brother and hurt by her grouchy mother.. to walk out smiling with forgiveness and a hug at the end of the day. And God give their mommy more patience and trust in You through the struggles as little as they may be.

Present -- The little things

written 2.15.10--This one took me awhile to actually hit publish, so it may appear out of order:

We have yet another snow day today, which means the kids have been home while we manage work. These days are always a struggle. I find myself feeling guilty working with the kids home, and yet other moments of the day feeling gulity as if I am neglecting work to be do something with the kids, even if it is only to make them a quick lunch. It is such a juggling act, and I think the biggest juggling act is inside my head!



Here is what I juggle around in my head - What do my kids think of me sitting, staring at the computer for hours at a time? Is that how they will remember me? Will they be sitting in a Phsycologist office some day telling him/her how their mother sat in front of the computer ignoring them, saying "she was always working"? Then I might take a break from the computer stare down - to read a book, make lunch and my head is swarming with the concern of being a remote employee but what do my coworkers think if they see me away from IM? The other concern when the kids are home and I am working is the overwhelming amount of housework that follows a day like this!!





Well today I tried to fight the battles in my head and focused 100% on my work accomplishing what needed to get done in addition to some other things on my continually growing to do list. Yet I also took some short breaks to play a game of Chutes and Ladders, it was a very short game as Andre soon became bored and hungry even though he was the one winning. I ended my work day with the required amount of hours put in then sat down for some quiet time with Grace and Andre.


We read some books and had some good old snuggle time. As I write this Andre is sleeping, Grace is resting and I am reflecting.



What I sit here reflecting on is this: Before starting my day I typically do a little blog-stalking. I usually go to the usual favorites then I will sometimes hit "next blog" to see what comes up. When doing this I have found some very interesting blogs. Some have turned into my usual stops. Today I ran into one that impacted me so much and reminded me on what is important.

During my blog stalking today I cried for a woman and her family that I have never met. But their story broke my heart, her attitude encouraged me, her strength amazed me. They lost their little boy, he was only 16 months old. That little boy just like my little boy was beautiful, his older brother like my older daughter was wonderful. The mother was heart broken of course, but so strong and her faith in God was inspiring. I was reminded today to be present: Present with my kids, my husband, and my friends. I was reminded today to continue to grow my Faith. So many days I feel like I stumble in my Faith, trying to be more of the person I want to be, trying to understand what it means to truly trust in God.

I pray for patience, the will to be present, the courage to get up after stumbling and to keep following and trusting.