Present -- The little things

written 2.15.10--This one took me awhile to actually hit publish, so it may appear out of order:

We have yet another snow day today, which means the kids have been home while we manage work. These days are always a struggle. I find myself feeling guilty working with the kids home, and yet other moments of the day feeling gulity as if I am neglecting work to be do something with the kids, even if it is only to make them a quick lunch. It is such a juggling act, and I think the biggest juggling act is inside my head!



Here is what I juggle around in my head - What do my kids think of me sitting, staring at the computer for hours at a time? Is that how they will remember me? Will they be sitting in a Phsycologist office some day telling him/her how their mother sat in front of the computer ignoring them, saying "she was always working"? Then I might take a break from the computer stare down - to read a book, make lunch and my head is swarming with the concern of being a remote employee but what do my coworkers think if they see me away from IM? The other concern when the kids are home and I am working is the overwhelming amount of housework that follows a day like this!!





Well today I tried to fight the battles in my head and focused 100% on my work accomplishing what needed to get done in addition to some other things on my continually growing to do list. Yet I also took some short breaks to play a game of Chutes and Ladders, it was a very short game as Andre soon became bored and hungry even though he was the one winning. I ended my work day with the required amount of hours put in then sat down for some quiet time with Grace and Andre.


We read some books and had some good old snuggle time. As I write this Andre is sleeping, Grace is resting and I am reflecting.



What I sit here reflecting on is this: Before starting my day I typically do a little blog-stalking. I usually go to the usual favorites then I will sometimes hit "next blog" to see what comes up. When doing this I have found some very interesting blogs. Some have turned into my usual stops. Today I ran into one that impacted me so much and reminded me on what is important.

During my blog stalking today I cried for a woman and her family that I have never met. But their story broke my heart, her attitude encouraged me, her strength amazed me. They lost their little boy, he was only 16 months old. That little boy just like my little boy was beautiful, his older brother like my older daughter was wonderful. The mother was heart broken of course, but so strong and her faith in God was inspiring. I was reminded today to be present: Present with my kids, my husband, and my friends. I was reminded today to continue to grow my Faith. So many days I feel like I stumble in my Faith, trying to be more of the person I want to be, trying to understand what it means to truly trust in God.

I pray for patience, the will to be present, the courage to get up after stumbling and to keep following and trusting.